My Husband Hates Me: How to Tell?

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You can’t automatically exclaim that my husband hates me and not carefully analyze whether or not extenuating circumstances are causing a rift between you and your husband. Let’s face it, no marriage is perfect. You need to stop convincing yourself that a marriage is all uphill like climbing a mountain. Start looking at it as more of a roller coaster with periods, sometimes months or even years at a time, of low points where you and your husband might not be getting along as well as you use to.  It’s not easy to tell if it’s hate or temporary space, but the following signs and reasons are some things you should look for.

He Asked For Space

Most men are isolationists by nature. They prefer to have their own space, deal with their own problems and have time to themselves or with other guys. Think about it. When a man has problems he is less likely to open up and convey his emotions to those around him. In contrast, most, not all, women are more than happy to find support with their loved ones in times of stress or crisis. We need to stop thinking that men will deal with their stress work and life problems like us women do.

So, there are two ways to think about what your man means when he says he “needs space”. First, it could just be what we discussed above and he needs some space to figure out the things on his mind. The second scenario is that he feels suffocated and needs space, physically and emotionally, form you. Does he leave the house often without you? If he does, he is putting up walls between the two of you.

He Never Pay’s Attention

No, I’m not asking whether he notices your new haircut or shoes. I’m asking whether or not you and your husband notice each other at home, remembers what you are doing during the day or makes the effort to call you throughout the day. Do you feel like strangers in the same house that only converse when you have to?

He Said it To My Face

So your husband said he hates you? Well, it might seem like he meant it, but hate is an extremely strong word. Don’t take anything he said in the heat of an argument seriously. When we argue with loved ones, sometimes harsh words are spoken because we feel like our love isn’t being reciprocated. Sometimes us girls can be bitches when we argue and it’ll obviously tick him off and make him say something he doesn’t mean. You need to just remember that arguing is better than indifference. The fact that he is still invested in arguing about relationship problems means he does still care for you.

On the other hand, if he said he hates you when you weren’t arguing and still displays signs of contempt, it might be a sign that he has lost love for you. But don’t worry, there are still things you can do to repair any damage that was done. Rather than waste time reading through articles or going to expensive counseling sessions, I would suggest you take a look at Save My Marriage Today. Amy Waterman is a highly regarded marriage therapists that will give you insightful and direct steps on how you can get your loving marriage back.

It’s not easy to figure out whether your husband really hates you or if it’s just a temporary down period in your relationship. But, at the end of the day it is up to both of you to put in the work it takes to have a healthy marriage. If you still think your husband really hates you, but don’t know what to do, the next article in the series is What to Do if My Husband Hates Me. I’ll give you a few tactics and tips to help you and your husband repair your marriage.

About The Author

Alice is a loving wife, proud mother and avid blogger that now hopes to help others learn from her past mistakes. She is the founder and editor of GuideToMyMan and blogs on a variety of topics relating to marriage and relationships. Learn more about her and connect with her on Twitter @GuideToMyMan


  1. My husband hates me, our marriage and everything that marriage stands for. We only had sex, intimacy once on our wedding night. And he thought it was disgusting, gross totally pointless. So bad it makes him want to vomit. No human should do anything so disgusting to another human. His fix was to move to the basement and build a small apartment for himself That was 45+ years ago and nothing has changed. Were in our mid 60s and I don’t really care about him or our marriage any more.

    • Amy, all I can say is….do what makes you happy. If you were unhappy and put up with it for 60 years, it’s time to spend the rest of your time living life to the fullest. Sounds terrible I know, but if there is a lack of mutual love, happiness and respect with each other, I say move on and be happy. It’s never to late to make changes to your life :)

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