Anyone that has told themselves my husband is depressed is in a very crucial point in their marriage. Depression is an extremely tough psychological disorder to deal with and can wreak havoc on a relationship or marriage. If your husband is depressed, he will most likely take out his frustrations on you and your family. This makes it imperative that you deal with the situation as soon as you see signs of depression developing.
Before we get into how to deal with your husband’s depression, I want to tell you a story about an acquaintance I met at a conference in Seattle two years ago. Melanie and I connected over our mutual passion for blogging and ended up grabbing dinner together on our last night in Seattle. Most of our discussion related to our careers and personal experiences, but I eventually told her that I use to be a marriage counselor and blogged about relationship advice. That’s when she really opened up and felt compelled to tell me about her family, especially her husband.
Melanie’s husband suffered from depression and took out a lot of his frustration on her and the kids. One story that sticks out in my mind was about the night before she left for the conference. She and her husband had decided to grab dinner and couldn’t decide on where to go once they were in the car. Well, after a tossing a few ideas back and forth, her husband exploded. “Why can’t you ever decide…?” “You’re such an indecisive person…? “You’re so….”
The playfulness they once had was utterly gone. He had developed a shorter fuse and always blew up over the smallest issues. For the rest of the ride she sat in utter silence while her husband kept unloading on her.
This happened three nights before I had dinner with Melanie and the wound was still fresh. While we were talking, she told me some of the things running through her mind:
- He doesn’t love me
- I want to take care of my children and be happy
- He doesn’t care about his family
- I don’t have the ability to help (him)
- I can’t take this way of life anymore
- He needs help
- I am done
Trying to quietly deal with her husband’s depression over the last year had pushed her too far and she didn’t think she could deal with it any longer. They had been married for 8 years and he had never acted or treated her like this before he lost his job. His unemployment had caused him to spiral out of control and take out his issues on his wife. The sad fact is that there are many women out there that deal with situations like Melanie’s. In the end, many of them end up feeling the same way and thinking the same thoughts. But, they all failed to do one thing. Take active steps towards identifying and dealing with their husband’s depression.
I don’t know what to look for
So what does depression look like in men? Well, the best way to describe it is as though they are stressed out for extremely long periods of time. They might seem or act stressed even when there is nothing for them to be stressed about.
Here are a few depression symptoms to look for:
That night I told Melanie it wouldn’t be surprising if her husband was just depressed. A lot of men can get depressed when they feel inadequate or lost self-confidence. A jarring event, like losing his job, may have caused him to feel as though he couldn’t provide for his family.
What to Do?
Stop thinking about why and start asking “how can i help my husbands depression. Understanding the reasons why your husband is acting the way is a necessary step to take. This way, you can begin to deal with the root issues that caused he depression and help him recover from whatever knocked him into that state. Passively accepting his anger and irritability is the wrong thing to do. This will only lead to more anger, fights and nights feeling as though your marriage is over. If you think your husband is depressed and want to save your marriage, you need to go talk to a marriage counselor or therapist in person. They will be able t objectively analyze your personal situation and help develop a plan to get your marriage back on track. If you can’t afford a marriage counselor, I highly recommend Save My Marriage Today. The advice and tips in this course has worked for a lot of women, myself included, and comes with a full money back guarantee. If your marriage is worth saving, it’s worth trying everything you can.
In what ways can you relate to Melanie? Does your husband act like hers?