An emotionally unavailable husband can make married life tough. You love him, you make the effort to show him you love him, but he never reciprocates. What kind of relationship is that? No woman deserves to ever have to question whether or not their husband still loves them. But, women married to these guys have to do it all the time. In most cases, it leads to fights, stress and emotional turmoil. Holding a marriage together, especially once you toss kids into the mix, is hard enough. But trying to ensure it flourishes and grows with a husband who hides all his emotions is ever more challenging.
In my case, the most difficult part was trying to figure out what I should do to save my relationship and rekindle that intimacy we once had. I felt demoralized and lost all self confidence in myself because I felt as though I had lost my husband. Restoring that self-confidence and realizing I had much more influence than I initially thought was the single most important thing I had to realize when it came to getting my husband to feel close to me again.
Step 1….Unresolved Conflicts
Why is your husband emotionally distant? I bet if you could answer this question you would have a much clearer idea on what to do. But, that’s probably the most difficult step. Think back and try to determine if there is any unresolved conflict within the relationship. It could literally be anything: finances, children, work, etc. The bottom line is that whatever struggle you two are facing may be the root cause for the emotional withdrawal. If you break down the psychology, a man will often pull away from his wife emotionally if they are facing a struggle that they can’t seem to find a solution to. He may feel as though you don’t understand him, his opinion doesn’t matter or even emasculated.
So what’s the solution if you do have unresolved conflicts? Remember all those lessons from elementary school on sharing and compromise? Well, this would be the perfect time for implementing what you learned. Lay all your cards on the table and find a compromise and bring this conflict to an end. Obviously you’ll have to concede a little, but in the long run, especially when your marriage is at stake, the decision to give in is a lot easier.
Emotional Space Isn’t a Bad Thing
I know, I know. Giving an husband that is closed off more space seems counter intuitive. Well, it’s probably the most common mistake we women make when our husband withdraws emotionally. We inherently think that it is our fault he is being emotionally distant and start to smother him with love, affection and conversation. Badgering him isn’t going to help your situation. A man that has made the conscious effort to close himself off emotionally has already decided he wants a little space from you. You can’t fight your way back into his good graces. If he wants more space, give him some. I’m not saying you should act cold towards him. Obviously he still needs to know that you love him. But, allow him to have all the alone time he wants to analyze his thoughts. Once he has had some time to think, he’ll come to the realization that he misses and needs you in his life. That’s why some time apart may be exactly what he needs in order to realize how much he loves you.
I know what I’m saying sounds so easy and too good to be true. Well, I’m not guaranteeing that the advice I have given you will work 100% of the time. No situation is the same and things can go one of a hundred different ways. But, what I am telling you is that you can’t just sit by passively while you watch your husband withdraw into his own little world. A marriage should, nay needs to be, held together by an emotional connection. It is that simple intangible thing that ensures you, your husband and your kids will be a happy family going forward. The power lies with you to fix any problems you may have. By logically and strategically analyzing your relationship from different angles, you’ll be able to figure out what exactly needs to be done. But, without taking those first steps you’ll always be stuck on the sidelines watching your marriage fall apart.
If you need more help developing that strategic mindset when it comes to your marriage, I strongly suggest you read Save My Marriage Today. Amy Waterman will guide you through signs to look for, what it means, how to fix it and what needs to be done in order to keep your marriage from falling apart in the future. We weren’t born with the knowledge on how to make a marriage work. But, with a little effort we can all learn what makes a marriage tick and ensure we never have to feel the effects of this ever again.