Hi! My name is Alice and I’m the woman behind GuideToMyMan.com. I am, now, happily married to my husband of twelve years and am raising our two beautiful children here in Boulder, CO.
I really like to believe that I got lucky and finally have a healthy relationship with my husband. But, that hasn’t always been the case. At one point, a few years ago when the recession hit, I truly believed our marriage was on the verge of failing. Our problem wasn’t that we didn’t love each other. There was a long laundry list of other problems (my husband lost his job, my husband’s mother passed away and the future looked uncertain, just to name a few) that were affecting our relationship and how we treated each other. I remember countless nights where I would stay up all night trying to figure out why my husband hates me. It was probably the most depressing time in our marriage, but all the problems we endured provided us with the motivation to find ways to develop a happy marriage.
My goal with this website is to share my experiences, offer advice and help other women who are in similar places to where I was a few years ago. Over the years I have read thousands of articles, written hundreds of blog posts, purchased countless relationship products and really delved into the psychology of what can cause a marriage to go wrong.
How to tell if my husband hates me?
The first step is to analyze whether or not your husband really does hate you. But, you need to accept the fact that no marriage is perfect. Don’t convince yourself that a marriage is all uphill like climbing a mountain. Start looking at it as more of a roller coaster with periods, sometimes weeks or months, of low points where you and your husband might not be getting along as well as you use to. It’s not easy to tell if its temporary space or true dislike, but the following signs are some things you should look for.
MY HUSBAND HATES ME BECAUSE HE ASKED FOR SPACE
Most men are isolationists by nature. They prefer to have their own space, deal with their own problems and have time to themselves or with other guys. Think about it. When a man has problems he is less likely to open up and convey his emotions to those around him. In contrast, most, not all, women are more than happy to find support with their loved ones in times of stress or crisis. We need to stop thinking that men will deal with their stress work and life problems like us women do.
So, there are two ways to think about what your man means when he says he “needs space”. First, it could just be what we discussed above and he needs some space to figure out the things on his mind. The second scenario is that he feels suffocated and needs space, physically and emotionally, form you. Does he leave the house often without you?
ME BECAUSE HE NEVER PAY’S ATTENTION
No, I’m not asking whether he notices your new haircut or shoes. I’m asking whether or not you and your husband notice each other at home, remember what you are doing during the day or make the effort to call each other throughout the day. Do you feel like strangers in the same house that only converse when you have to?
He thinks I’ve changed
People change, situations change and, inevitably, relationships will change also. As we progress in life it is impossible to expect everything, including your relationship with your husband, to remain exactly the same as when you first started dating. No matter how hard we try to hang on to all those precious moments we had with our husband it is unlikely that those memories can be the glue that keep two people together for the rest of their lives. That is just a fact of life many of us fail to grasp.
After spending years together many husbands fail to see the woman they fell in love with in their wives. This isn’t your fault, but after marriage there are a bunch of new responsibilities, like children, work and household tasks, to take on. Being busy all the time can take its toll and that carefree, happy girl he married is hidden behind a busy wife making sure everything gets done.
he Is Stressed Out
From my experience, stress is the number one reason many marriages become strained and start to break down. When I say stress, it could be anything from financial stress to career stress. It doesn’t always have to be marital stress. But, no matter where the stress comes from it can cause a lot of damage to relationships. If your husband is always stressed, inevitably he will take it out on you. It may not even be your fault and he may not want to hurt you, but that stress will eventually be channeled into blaming or hating you.
HE SAID IT TO MY FACE
So your husband said he hates you? Well, it might seem like he meant it, but hate is an extremely strong word. Don’t take anything he said in the heat of an argument seriously. When we argue with loved ones, sometimes harsh words are spoken because we feel like our love isn’t being reciprocated. Sometimes we girls can be bitches when we argue and it’ll obviously tick him off and make him say something he doesn’t mean. You need to just remember that arguing is better than indifference. The fact that he is still invested in arguing about relationship problems means he does still care for you.
Accept Your Situation
So what do you think now? Still believe your husband hates you? If you do, don’t give up just yet. There are many things you can do to improve your situation and start rebuilding what you have lost. It’s possible! You know why I believe that? Because I have felt the exact same way you are feeling right now and changed everything around with a little bit of research, outside counseling and the support of my friends and family. But there is one thing you need to do before you set out on the path of rebuilding.
I want you to look at yourself right now and truly accept the gravity of your situation. This is an extremely important step. You need to realize you are fighting years of neglect, time and patience with each other. Accepting the situation will allow give you the motivation and urgency required to start learning, making changes and rebuild.
what do I do if my husband hates me?
I want to be honest; this is by far the hardest part. When I began learning about how to fix my marriage, I turned to the internet and spent hours reading articles by other women online. Most of the time the articles made me feel depressed and I had to take frequent breaks while reading them. Every example they provided would remind me about my own relationship and bring back memories of better times. Reading about someone examining my failing relationship was one of the toughest things I ever had to do. But, it made me stronger and gave me the insight I needed to make my husband love me again.
In the end, the most helpful resources I found were actual marriage counselors. At the time, we were facing financial hardships and couldn’t afford to see a marriage counselor. So, I decided the next best thing was to check out a few well reviewed and highly recommended books written by marriage counselors. Over the course of the year I spent a few hundred dollars and read any relationship advice book/course I could get my hands on. Most of them were terrible and said the exact same things. But there was one course in particular that truly provided insight you can’t find anywhere else. I honestly believe that I wouldn’t have been able to rebuild my marriage if it weren’t for this marriage and relationship course developed by marriage counselor Amy Waterman. I strongly urge you to explore their site and check it out. You can learn more by clicking here!